so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
