OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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