who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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