I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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