My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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