i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i believe in u and ur pee
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
