I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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