You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
