ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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