Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
