when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize