from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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