oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
