I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked