she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.