We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.