Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday