This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
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Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on