You smell like stripper and shame
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.