Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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