there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
only you would photoshop your dick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
