Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
