It's Friday. Sex?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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