my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize