I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize