Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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