i just google imaged poop.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
