i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize