u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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