dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
