how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
