just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
