The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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