Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
