I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
