I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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