i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
