i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
