so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
