I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
