I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
