a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
