meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
