i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
