so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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