Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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