I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I could make wine with my vomit
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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