i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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