Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
