Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
