We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
