I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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