Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize