I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
