Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere