you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.