Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.