Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.