yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.