I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.