on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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