____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were trust falling into bushes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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