Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
