I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
