we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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