He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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